Some Comments on my Experiences Regarding Authoritarianism

This essay relies and builds upon the metaphysical world view discussed elsewhere and it is closely related to the essays:

The First Cambrian Explosion or the Global Cellular Meta-System Transition,
The Second Cambrian Explosion or the Global Human Meta-System Transition,
Global Awakening the future of consciousness,
Analysis of Regimes and Resistance A Consultation with the Great Sage (I Ching),
Approaches to the Problem of Civilisation,
Descent into Chaos an allegory for modern times

The Perspective of the Victim

Throughout most of my life I had only really experienced myself being a helpless victim of authoritarian arrogance and abuse and I, like most people that I have known, could only know it as something that was wholly evil, without any possible excuse or saving grace. Having never experienced it from the other side and never been given any coherent reasons for it, it was simply a system of brutal oppression maintained by the powerful in order to ruthlessly exploit and sadistically dominate innocent beings. That is how it seems from the side of the powerless and victimised, that is how a large number of people perceive their society. This is usually held in check by fear of the evil and a sense of apathetic powerlessness, hence society doesn't explode into violent revolt it only simmers with resentment and subtle hostility whilst these people implode into despair, denial, depression and self destruction. It is the force of my own implosion that I have transformed and channelled into this work rather than be destroyed by it. Despite what the doctors and drug companies say, chemical imbalance is only a side effect of depression, one that can be quite profitable for them. The real cause is profound social alienation, but this takes serious effort to cure, not just another product on the shelf. When a person perceives their world and their society as profoundly irrational and hostile they cannot engage with it, they are left stranded without a world and they sink inwards into despair and alienation. In intricately subtle ways, that one can never know from the outside, but one can only experience, which I have, ones mind begins to shut down. First the higher functions but even the lower levels begin to slip away over time as one slowly dies from the inside out.

There is such overwhelming despair throughout society, many people live out their lives in neurotic denial of their suffering but many sink into the black pit from which few ever return. Due to this chronic state of affairs it is no wonder that there are countless people out there wishing that this system would explode and who fully expect it to at any moment; I have known people who's lives are spent waiting and preparing for just such an event, it is the only thing that they can imagine that would give them some hope of being able to live again. This is a constant pressure throughout society that must be held down by a constant force of repression that requires an enormous amount of energy that could have been better spent elsewhere, but such is the nature of disease, it is highly dysfunctional. Most people who are safely on the authoritarian side cannot even imagine that this world exists out there, let alone, right on their door step. But the epidemic of depression, suicide, drug abuse, criminality, consumerism, apathy, cynicism, confusion, fanaticism, violence, authoritarianism and general despair and denial is a sign that the pressure cooker is getting hot and pushing down harder on the lid might not hold it together for too much longer.

Most people I have known have lived in small worlds of denial, trying not to look too far out into society because what they saw disgusted and disturbed them. And whenever the authorities would come barging into such a world it seemed to everyone there as if (to use a Lord of the Rings metaphor) Sauron had turned his evil eye upon Hobbiton and everyone's skin crawled and even the trees began to wilt and die. I must say the authorities have much to learn in their management of perceptions amongst the young, the poor and the outcasts of society, we un-sophisticates know hypocrisy when we see it. They assume we are useless, worthless and ignorant and we mean nothing so we are pushed about like objects, hence we develop a growing resentment.

A Regime to Protect

Throughout this time I lived in poverty in urban, artificial, manufactured environments over which I had no control or sense of belonging, I was merely another low-income tenant or vagrant or passing customer and so I took no interest or concern in my environment and had not turned my mind to comprehending the intricate issues involved in maintaining such things as a house or a lifestyle or a regime. I did however grow up on a farm, where my parents had taken about 30 acres of cow pasture and turned it into a thriving established orchard; that quite likely had some impact on my mind but at the time it was largely just stuff happening around me in which I was mainly involved as an employee. However several years ago, I escaped the jaws of the urban poverty trap and lived for a couple of years in an small passenger van with the seats removed.

Finally I had a home of my own. For much of this time I travelled slowly along the east coast of Australia. Through this I learnt a great deal about what is required to set-up and maintain a regime. I fitted the van out with entirely free stuff scavenged from various places and it was highly functional. In a matter of minutes, I could transform it into either a lounge room, a bedroom or a kitchen. But I had to keep it ship shape otherwise it would degenerate into chaos.

I had built a mobile regime, i.e. an ordered, structured and ultimately artificial lifestyle that I protected against outside interests that were destructive to my regime, either out of ignorance or deliberate hostility. I gained an inkling of what it feels like to be a suburbanite or a government (with a regime to protect). Although, being a nomad I was always being subtly moved along by townies who were trying to protect their orderly regimes. Through this journey I had entered into the game of authoritarian society and was no longer merely a hapless victim but a player with a regime to protect.

At this point the long term plan for my life was to find a patch of remote land and simply try and forget about the modern world and return to a simple organic life, to escape the game and try and make contact with the underlying reality, to become a sunnyasin or renunciant of all worldly agendas. My parents didn't know about this plan but living in a van was bad enough for them, and they offered to buy a piece of land so that I would have somewhere to settle and put down roots. It was a God-send, I didn't have to wander into the wilderness in order to not be harassed. I found a place and set it up for a very basic lifestyle. I'm still here, right now I'm sitting in a caravan, nestled in a gully in a valley in the mountains of north east NSW, Australia. It is here that I have found a chance to heal and regain some balance and it is here that I have really learnt to appreciate some of the issues and problems of the authoritarian approach since I have had to try and set up a regime of my own here. Although the other inhabitants are oblivious to my delusions, to me this is my personal kingdom and I try to rule with wisdom and compassion, but such things can be very difficult indeed. I have come to understand many of the complexities of creating and maintaining a regime that is totally artificial as far as the surrounding environment is concerned.

Suppressing the Subversives

I have learnt the most, in this regard, from the rats and the neighbour's cows; the natives themselves are no trouble at all, they live their lives and I live mine, we move along separate but parallel paths. There's a clan of a few generations of Kookaburras that own this place, they fly in sequence from tree to tree patrolling the place at certain times of the day and calling out their distinctive territorial claim that humans think is laughter. I've seen them do battle with an intruding clan once, its not explicitly violent but its a fearsome clash of acrobatic flying skills and threatening calls; they drove the intruders away. The wallabies are terribly timid toward humans after generations of being treated as vermin, the koalas one rarely sees but they grunt like pigs on heat in the trees at night during certain seasons, the other birds provide a beautiful musical accompaniment, and the goannas, lizards, snakes and other natives keep very much to themselves.

But the rats come right into my caravan and they forage for food, clambering over everything and chewing through containers. I tried to attain some balance and to accommodate them but they are very invasive. I don't kill them, I am not a brutal dictator and oppressor like many people; such dictators immediately objectify such beings as vermin or criminals within the context of their regime and they thereby feel justified in exterminating them. I don't take part in that mind game, just because I relabel something doesn't change the truth of the matter for me, they are beings just like me and we have a clash of agendas, that is all. But at times I have felt like a fascist government and I have understood how they feel, they are attached to their regime, they see anyone who is not a part of that regime as vermin that needs to be gotten rid of and they subtly cease to see those beings as beings. My desire not to kill is equivalent to a government that is bound by concepts of human rights, so it must find other ways to get rid of vermin without simply slaughtering them.

At times I would need to repeatedly get up in the middle of the night and storm about threateningly, lunging with a torch at subversive rats to frighten them out of the caravan. But such tactics didn't really work in the long term, they learnt that I wasn't a real threat and they would just jump out of the way of my lunges and essentially ignore me, it became a game to some of them. At one time I became so frustrated that I bought a rat trap, I tried to get a live trap but everywhere I went said they either didn't sell them or they were sold out and couldn't get any more stock for months (maybe there are many people with similar problems to myself), and I tried making one but it didn't work. I was so frustrated I convinced myself that it was the only pragmatic way of dealing with the situation so I gritted my teeth and set the death trap. That night a rat got caught in it, it thrashed so horribly that I felt terrible, but it wriggled out and thankfully it didn't seem to be hurt at all. I haven't used that tactic again, it's brutal.

Instead I have instigated a system of economic disincentives whereby I leave no trace of food anywhere. If crumbs drop to the floor it may be a God-send for some hungry rat but I go to great effort to tidy it up and seal it away; I would rather let it rot than undermine my economic system (this is like in the 1930's depression when mountains of food would be poisoned or burnt in front of rioting crowds of starving humans, just to maintain the economic system). So even in the midst of vast abundance with mountains of food, these poor rats are eventually starved out of here and forced to move on. Indeed I haven't seen or heard a rat for over a month, they are rare these days.

This system of economic disincentives is quite effective, one sees it in use with economic sanctions and the political use of aid to third world countries, and it is one of the strategies whereby I too was forced out of society (and I too am a rat in the Chinese horoscope). I suspect that this thinking partly lies behind the system of enforced scarcity that is used throughout society, so that the wealthy can live in peace without having to come face to face with the poor. There's enough abundance around to make the poor wealthy or better still, to make everyone content, but that will never happen in the present system because the poor are ultimately the foundation upon which the whole economic structure rests; who would do all the dirty jobs and spend their lives in drudgery if not the poor. But the wealthy would rather not have to come into contact with such people so they create expensive and exclusive enclaves on the scale of whole nations down to towns or suburbs. On my travels I have unknowingly wondered into some of these towns and suburbs; they are strange, plastic little resort towns or suburbs with names that people utter in reverent tones, and people look at me with suspicion or derision, it is unusual that someone like me would ever be seen in such a place and I can barely afford to eat or drink in those places so I quickly leave.

In regards to the expulsion of vermin I am thankful that this government doesn't behave like a typical suburbanite and ruthlessly put out traps and poison for people such as me, perhaps in the form of road blocks where one must present ones credit card or be exterminated. However poverty, crime, junk food and drugs (that includes alcohol and tobacco) serve a similar purpose to traps and poison and many unwary people are thereby exterminated.

There have been some invasive mice as well and I bought live traps for them but they would get so traumatised by being trapped for a period of time in an alien plastic tube. And there were problems with releasing them too, they'd be alienated from their family group and thrust into potentially hostile territory. It was just too interventionist; I cannot relate with them on their level so any intervention is harmful. Thus economic disincentives seem the best; it is subtle pressure, and they are in charge of themselves as they move on rather than sudden forceful removal. It is the way of non-action that leaves nothing undone.

Building a Rapport with the other Power Brokers

With the cows I took a different approach, I couldn't just push them out like I did with the rats and they are quite large and strong. I had considered fencing off the property and expelling the cows, they're eco-vandals, but they've been a part of this ecosystem for over a century and their sudden removal would create havoc in the form of an explosion of weeds that would choke the natives. I'm planning for their gradual and controlled removal over coming years. As for my lifestyle regime a different strategy was required so I erected a barbed wire fence around my garden and maintained this secure perimeter, and then tried to develop a good rapport with them. When I first arrived here they only knew humans as pushy authoritarian beings that would herd them about but they themselves are such gentle and good natured beings. They would be relaxing in small communal groups, eating, nurturing their young and playing but when they saw me I could see them change; fear would arise, their higher faculties would shut down and their instincts would drive them forward and they would move as if I was herding them. They had been conditioned by humans to respond in docile unthinking ways to the perceived presence of authority; humans have that effect on other beings, including other humans. But I didn't want to relate to them like that and it has taken some time but now many of them see me more as another being sharing their space rather than an authority figure come to harass them but many will never be comfortable with humans.

I observed how they interacted amongst themselves, they have an intricate body language that expresses mostly gentle familiarity and playfulness; although they can get nasty at times. They have different nods of the head and subtle gestures of the eyes, and the chewing of their mouths is a distinct symbolic gesture. I suspect it is a universal symbol amongst herbivores saying “I'm a herbivore, I'm not a carnivore, I'm not here to hurt you so please relax”. Most of these gestures they recognise even when I do it to them and they reciprocate; in this way I have been building rapport. The wallabies respond to the chewing gesture with visible relief and they chew vigorously in response, that is if one can get near enough to them to use it, they usually run at the first sight of a human. But there is one that I sometimes come across and it doesn't run and we nod and chew to each other on rare occasions, we both find it quite intriguing and exciting to be engaged in such a cultural exchange.

Bovine Schizmogenesis

Just yesterday, whilst I was writing some aspects of the essay on systemic health, particularly the parts about schizmogenesis, resentment and breaking of rapport, one of the cows had a lesson to teach me. This saga has continued and deepened, and touched upon some profound issues. It is an allegory that has parallels to many issues in the wider world. Hence I relate it in some detail and to quickly summarise its key points:

There is a regime being protected, a power nexus that is stressed and unbalanced, a field of negative energies creating negative effects in the world, an innocent being that crosses an invisible line, an angry response, a mutual misunderstanding, innocence becomes embittered, the breaking of rapport, a cycle of recriminations, guerilla attacks, authoritarian backlash, stepping up of security, constant monitoring, banishment, peacemakers, collapse of a fragile accord, devastating guerilla attack, ruthless pursuit, exhaustion, shattered peace and a shattered regime, a time of hunger and introspection and consultation with the Sage to seek wisdom and regain propriety.

For the first time ever there was a security breach in my garden, a particular cow had pushed through the fence at a weak point and further weakened the fence. I found her casually chewing on a bit of old pumpkin from the compost heap but she was standing right in the midst of my garden. There isn't much in the garden at present, only just enough for me and the occasional wallaby, without any surplus, certainly no more than a light snack for a cow, and it is a vital component of my regime as I don't have a vehicle with which to go into town to regularly get supplies nor do I have any refrigeration so I rely on what little I grow.

I had only just woken up when I saw her in the garden, it took a moment for me to be sure that what I was seeing was correct, that she was indeed behind the fence. My instincts flowed unthinkingly into an authoritarian response; that was my garden. I stormed up to the garden, opened the gate and tried to tell the cow to get out in no uncertain terms. I know this cow well and she isn't at all used to being herded by me so she just looked at me and chewed. So I became irate and yelled at her, at which point she became afraid, jittery and confused. Instead of going out the gate she pushed back through the fence, briefly catching her leg on the barbed wire; although cows have very thick hides, so she wasn't really hurt, only shaken.

I surveyed the damage to the garden and although she had tramped throughout the garden and nibbled on most things there wasn't much damage in the scheme of things, she had been quite gentle in her impact; I had assumed the worst and acted on that assumption, I had acted out of unthinking distrust. She herself looked visibly upset and she stood fuming under a nearby tree for more than an hour without moving. I have never seen a cow act like that before, she was really quite shaken and upset, maybe because of our previous rapport and the sudden breaking of it. And her friend looked reproachfully at me. In this time I wrote some more of the essay regarding how easy it can be to act solely from ones own perspective and to respond out of anger and to break a rapport that has taken a long time to build and may take much longer to heal.

Not to excuse myself but to provide some background on my state of mind and more importantly on the subtle energetic dynamics behind the situation, I should add that I've been withdrawing from tobacco for a few weeks and the previous day had been my first full day with no nicotine at all (I've been using patches). In these situations the energies emanating from myself and resonating with my world can become quite strong and turbulent. Years worth of repressed frustration, anger and bitterness seep out through my aura and create effects in the world around me. I am glad to be getting rid of these energies but the process can be difficult. During these times I become easily stressed, have a short fuse, tend to see things from a stressed perspective and am likely to react inappropriately unless I have considerable time to think about it. These are important factors that tend to cause situations to resonate in certain directions, but on top of this the world itself responds to my energy field differently in subtle ways.

Such as biting and stinging insects find me irresistible, scratches seem to accumulate from walking through the bush as if the tree's were subtly lashing out in response to my negative aura, people become easily angered toward me or act in belligerent and obstructive ways (even before I have a chance to mess things up with my stressed responses), machinery breaks down, my computer crashes more easily, and in countless ways the world around me resonates with my flow of negative energy. These energies were repressed initially because I was trapped in psychically toxic environments that filled me with frustration, anger and bitterness but in which if I was to express any of that people would stomp on me or harass me or misunderstand me and the situation would only get worse. So my only option was to internalise the pain and let it fester inside where people couldn't see it so they wouldn't harass me, or even worse, try to help me with their misguided cures. Smoking is a very potent method of repressing psychic pain, if one looks around at the long term smokers in the world one can see patterns in the demographics and in the lives of the individuals; most have a great deal of inner pain that they wish to repress or are forced to repress.

These energies flowing from me and resonating in the world had combined with energies surrounding the subject that I was writing about and also with energies amongst the cows. All these patterns of energies where stirred into motion and led to a particular cow pushing into my garden and inciting a response from me. We are not the doers, we are but patterns of energy; when these patterns flow we are helplessly swept along, thus one needs to be wary of what energetic currents one dwells in. Good energies can sweep you into heaven whether you wish it or not, and bad energies can sweep you into hell whether you wish it or not.

After my angry response this cow now harboured a resentment, as well as having developed a taste for vegetables. I had patched up the fence a bit, but she had pushed through again; it is very difficult to stop a determined cow, they are big, strong and have incredible physical intelligence, and some of the cows can even jump the fences if they really want to. This time she had pulled up a whole broccoli plant (I only have two) and she'd not even eaten it, and she was grazing on a row of cabbages as I found her this second time, causing considerable damage. I didn't lose my temper but I looked her sternly in the eye and she knew I was displeased. She looked back defiantly and proudly; from her perspective these were just plants growing and she's a herbivore, she has no concept of my delusions of garden and vegetable, but I herded her out of the garden and tried to patch up the fence again. But my initial authoritarian response had broken the rapport and a cycle of recriminations had begun. She immediately went around the perimeter and tried to find other weak points so I ran at her, waving a stick to scare her off and she ran off a small distance and stood defiantly. We were both pumped with adrenalin and both pulled into the dynamics of the schizmogenesis that was unfolding between us. Once the cycle begins it is effortless to go with it and it takes great effort, presence of mind and restraint to break out of it. Certain conflicts between neighbouring nations come to mind in this context, I can sympathise with how hard it is to turn such a cycle around.

I continued writing about cycles of recrimination and whilst I was doing that she had broken in again and pulled up both of the spinach, the only lettuce and decimated half of the cabbages. Much of this hadn't even been eaten but simply ripped up and thrown aside. By carefully pruning the leaves over time these could have fed me for months but all were gone. Throughout this there were other cows about but only she and I were sucked into this cycle of recriminations; it had become personal. I found her resting in the shade of a tree near the seasonal creek and I stood there and sternly let her know my displeasure and she looked distinctly uncomfortable and the other cows drifted away. But I drew a line over everything that had happened and was prepared to forgive and forget, but if she did it again I would banish her from the yard for a time, until I could get the fence properly repaired. My realm covers 50 acres, with virtually no fences (all up there's hundreds of acres for the cows to roam covering a whole mountainside) so I'd simply have to herd her out of my yard area every time I saw her until she got the message, but I didn't want to do that, she likes it around the yard area, and I wanted to regain some harmony and peace, I didn't want there to be animosity and I didn't want my garden to be the focus of a guerilla war. Obscurity is the best defense but it had become a target.

Despite these wishes a part of me was fueled by adrenalin and that part of me wanted things to come to a head, I observed this little authoritarian urge inside my mind; it wanted her to do it again just so that it could really blow its top. I've sensed the same energies in school teachers and police at times, they're itching for you to do something just so that they can stomp on you, you can sense that they'd enjoy it immensely and they sometimes even try and goad you into responding just so that they can lash out at you. We all have this in us to varying degrees; in a patriarchal world built upon authoritarian oppression we all assimilate aspects of the sadistic and the masochistic temperaments into our psyches.

Later that evening she came up to the caravan and shat right on my doorstep, leaving a nasty surprise for me when I stepped out, but luckily I noticed her doing it and I didn't step in it. When I first came here the cows often shat very close to the entrance to the caravan, I suspect they resented my presence, perhaps because they thought I was a constant authoritarian presence (they are mostly just pushed around by humans) that prevented them from being able to be themselves. Over time they came to accept me and they generally don't do it right in front of the caravan any more but this time it was a deliberate message.

This morning I awoke to find her once again grazing on the cabbages. I calmly herded her out of the garden but then chased her up the gully for about 500 metres and that is the beginning of her banishment for a period of time; she and her friend often hang around my yard but no longer. I don't know what else to do for now, except repair the fence of course. Perhaps our familiarity bred contempt but I doubt if we will ever be friendly again. Such a breaking of rapport is a sad and difficult thing, all because of a clash of agendas, her innocence and my attachment to concepts such as garden and mine. Surely I could have handled it better but right at the start I acted out of impulsive anger and that initiated a cycle that had to play itself out in some way. Once prakriti (nature) is set in motion purusha (soul) is swept along in its wake. I should have been calm throughout, thought about it clearly and simply set about repairing the fence immediately and properly, then there would have been virtually no damage and no breaking of rapport. Now there is a lasting resentment and there isn't much of the garden left.

The wise say: “A man who contemplates the objects of sense develops an attachment to them, attachment gives rise to desire, and desire results in anger.
Anger gives rise to confusion, confusion to loss of memory. Loss of memory destroys intelligence and, once a man's intelligence is destroyed, he perishes.
But the man whose mind is disciplined and whose senses are under control is free from attachment and aversion though he moves among the objects of sense, and such a person attains serenity.
He who acts after giving up all desire, who is free from any sort of 'mineness' or egoism, he alone attains tranquillity.”(Bhagavad Gita; chpt2; 62-4, 71)

This episode with the cow is just one example of the way in which this world is constantly teaching me and synchronistically bringing me lessons at just the right time. I do not resent that cow, she has been an instrument of God through which I have learnt much and through her, many words and particular ideas have come to be written in the essay on systemic health, and in this. Although the dynamics of the situation had to play out in order for the lesson to be learnt, I still honour her and wish her well.


The saga has continued, it has been two days now since I last wrote about this, yesterday there was no activity until about an hour before sunset, then the cow along with a group of about fifteen others came down to graze, as often happens. She seemed uncomfortable but determined, she probably thinks that I am evil and demented but she won't allow me to stop her from living her life as she always has. I went out amongst them to say hello to them all as I sometimes do and I didn't have the heart to enforce the banishment that I had imposed upon her in my own mind, I just let her be; besides they were all quite peaceful and I didn't want to disturb the peace because of the issues between myself and that one cow. I suspect her energies have spread throughout the cow population and the others where there to smooth the way between us or to bear witness to her allegations. I hoped that she wanted to make peace and try to get things back to normal and I wasn't going to be the one to stop that because that is what I wanted.

I had previously reinforced the fence as best I could manage without any tools, or extra fencing materials. I just used some old plastic lattice and lengths of nylon rope to patch up the gaps. But the whole structure has become somewhat rickety all over and any cow that had a mind to could easily push through in several places. In fact I suspect that that has been the case for over a year, but only now has this issue arisen and only with the one particular individual. One can never guarantee security in the face of focused hostility, the best defense is a good rapport or utter obscurity.

I left them to their grazing and worked mostly on writing up aspects of the quantum FDIS examples, and after a while they had all moved on except for that cow and her friend, who stayed in the yard overnight as they often do. I thought to myself that maybe things might get back to normal; they seemed peaceful and there was hardly anything left in the garden to entice a cow, and the fence had been patched up as well as I could.

The next morning I awoke to find her sitting down in the garden waiting for me, she'd eaten the last of everything that she was interested in, I have only a few onions and some parsley left. She was pointedly waiting there for me to notice her and when I stepped outside she stood up and looked at me expectantly. This time I was angry, I entered the garden with a long stick and I swung it and hit her as she ran off, not hard though, and she dived through the fence. I then chased her for more than half an hour around the property so that she was under no illusions about how I felt. For most of this time a group of about six other cows stayed with her and she mostly tried to stay on the other side of them; I didn't want to push the other cows around but I wasn't going to stop chasing her. I was exhausted and so were they, I must have looked to them like a demon, panting heavily, leaning on my stick and relentlessly pursuing them. I tried to let the other cows know I had no issue with them and indeed they knew that, but toward her I would send steely glares every time she looked back. I chased them up the mountain when at some point she diverged from the herd and I chased her alone for a while into the bush where after a bit I turned back and left her. I did all this calmly but ruthlessly, I didn't rant or yell at her I just silently and persistently drove her onwards , not letting either of us rest until she was off my realm entirely.

There isn't any point in repairing the fence properly just yet, there's nothing to protect, but I think I will save up for a solar powered electric fence. I now know why most of the farmers around here use both barbed wire and electric in combination; barbed wire is just like elastic to a cow that has a mind to push through, but they don't like electric shocks. I sound like a fascist tyrant at an arms expo comparing the benefits of different suppression mechanisms (will I spend the people's money on ATV's with water cannons, or perhaps some automated drones with laser guided weapons? Maybe both, that'll be a nice surprise for the people when I pull them out at the next riot). I don't harbour a serious grudge, but she did get to me, and I'm not going to let her into my yard any more and I might consider asking the neighbour to move her elsewhere, there are other paddocks that he runs cows on.

I hate having to think and act like this but I need to eat and I can be ruthless when forced to be. Those cows have hundreds of acres of food and I have put up with constant harassment from them for years without showing any resentment. I've been trying to help the native forest here regenerate but the cows are ecological vandals. I've seen them devour whole young trees by the multitudes, it makes me weep sometimes. And often when I clear lantana from an area because the trees are being damaged by the climbing vines the cows then get better access and start eating the trees that have been uncovered. I've tried to protect areas from them, but nothing has quite worked out yet in that respect, I have no assistance and no money, so there is little that I can do. I did manage to get a government environmental grant to fence off the gully to protect the regenerating rainforest but I've had to cancel that because the timing was all wrong, its time constraints were too tight for me and I have no assistance at all. I'm not a physical person and I'd have to clear acres of lantana all up, erect over two kilometres of fences and plant thousands of trees, all with about four months of remaining time, but I couldn't even get the equipment out to my property in the first place without a car. And then this intellectual work started to take over my time so I'll have to try again in the future. As far as my garden is concerned, I'm only trying to grow a couple of spinach and lettuce and things like that, its not much of a regime that I'm trying to impose here, but this cow doesn't understand such things.

On another level, I was at that exact time engaged in writing an essay in which one of my goals was to try and reconcile the authoritarian and the guerilla perspectives but my mind was still largely stuck in the victim's perspective. I've spent most of my life in that role and it can be hard to overcome, I'm sure that it comes through in the tone and the content of the essay. Hence the world threw me into a situation where I could fully experience being an authoritarian regime that is simply trying to protect what it thinks is a reasonable and vital aspect of its regime. I've learnt a lot in the last few days, I'll need to take another look at that essay. I'll never pander to the authoritarian perspective, I think it is inherently destructive, and this recent episode is further proof of that, but I need to be balanced in my own approach and to act and speak with propriety.

Consulting the Great Sage

I consulted the I Ching about this schizmogenesis to try and understand its many meanings, and the response was so profound and generally relevant that I have extracted it as a separate document; Analysis of Regimes and Resistance.

An Update on the Situation

It has been several weeks now since the above events transpired, things are essentially back to normal on the surface, although there is nothing much growing in the garden and that particular cow comes down into my yard less often and only when a group of them come to graze. She seems to look at me pointedly and suspiciously; I wonder what she is thinking? But I show her extra respect, nodding my head a little deeper than to the others. It will take some time until all the tensions are healed.

Innocence and Energised Thought Forms

In hindsight I can see that in many instances in the past I have played the role of the cow and others have played the role of the gardener. I had no idea of the mind games that others were trying to play with me, I couldn't comprehend or even perceive the energised thought forms that they projected into their world and that formed so much of their experience of reality. They saw only a garden full of vegetables and I saw only ground with plants growing on it. They would see me as a delinquent and a recalcitrant and I would see them as insane and sadistic. They would start yelling and making demands and I would invariably ask “why?” but I never seemed to get a reason; it was either “because I said so” or their reason would be so flimsy that even they seemed embarrassed to say it, but perhaps that was the reason that they had succumbed to, and who was I to question their authority anyway. They would see me trampling on their energised thought forms and I would see them ranting and raving about nothing, about imaginings in their minds.

The most persistent conflict that I have been personally involved in was over school uniforms, I couldn't understand their militaristic fetish for making us all look the same and stand in straight lines and march about like robots or cannon fodder. Their only excuse for uniforms was so that there wouldn't be peer pressure to buy expensive clothes thereby alienating the poorer children, but in all other schools that I've since observed where there wasn't a uniform, this doesn't happen to a significant degree. At the time I knew it was a flimsy excuse, since in countless other ways there was constant peer pressure and in other regards the entire culture revolved around alienating the poor. It was blatant hypocrisy that was hiding other reasons, and I suspect that any human diversity or individual personality exhibited by us was ugly to them; they wanted us homogenised and standardised and obediently conformist in all ways. They were of the mindset that a forest is just rubbish but a lawn with nicely trimmed edges is very beautiful.

This issue caused daily conflicts throughout high school, I never seemed to quite wear the right coloured socks or my trousers had seams in places that contravened their regulations so in the end I gave up and wore jeans or a trench coat, I'd end being beaten or incarcerated anyway so why even try and conform to their uniform fetish. I just couldn't understand their world, in so many ways it seemed insane, neurotic and devoid of any sense of proportion or reality. I suspect this is the case with many youths, since they are innocent and naïve, they have yet to be conditioned to believe in the mind games that adults believe in. Indeed that is perhaps the principle role of education, it's not about reading, writing and so on, it's about indoctrination into the mind games so that we all come to perceive through the same cognitive lens and experience the same world. But for many of us that so world is bizarre and incomprehensible, it is no wonder there is such a failure rate in the indoctrination process; people come to see their world as insane and they slowly sink into denial and despair. And those that are successfully indoctrinated lose sight of reality and come to dwell in socially constructed delusions. Buckminsterfuller said something along the lines of “everybody is born a genius, but society goes to great lengths to de-genius us”. It is this state of crippled genius that most people refer to as normal.

One has to wonder; we have a system that thinks that natural human nature and diversity needs to be eradicated and we all need to be programmed with some artificial concept of reality so that we all live in a similar delusion. This is a very mechanistic approach that has no respect for truth. It thinks that it can construct our minds for us and slot us all together into some neatly working machine and that this will work smoothly and implement the mechanism of society. But no complex dynamical system can operate on a purely mechanistic level, so it still relies on our underlying human nature and our natural cohesion as an informal structure even as it interferes with it in destructive ways or attempts to eradicate it altogether. It is like the old attitudes to landscapes, people didn't realise how much they depended on the forests, so they would clear fell them down to bare grass and then replant a few introduced species to decorate the landscape. Things might seem to work for a short time but only through the eyes of ignorance. The water table drops, the micro climate turns arid, weeds proliferate, the soil is eroded away, people are forced into constant intervention such as fertilisers and irrigation, salinity destroys the soil, agricultural run-off destroys the river systems and the whole natural ecosystem struggles and suffers terribly.

The same attitude is farming our minds as well, it is clear felling the minds of our children and imposing similar mechanistic regimes to harness their natural capital at great expense to them and to the entire world, because just as we all depend upon the health of the natural environment, we all also depend upon the health of the minds of those around us who compose our human cultural environment. If we devastate the minds of our children we devastate any hope for a health society in the future. Just because we haven't been destroyed by it yet doesn't mean we're not rapidly heading toward destruction. People persist in dysfunctional farming until their land is crippled and people persist in dysfunctional lifestyles until they themselves are crippled; are we going to do the same with our entire civilisation? I trust that we have the inner resources to overcome the momentum of habit and complacency and to wake up before it is too late.

General Principles and Particulars

As one can see by these overall comments, I do not follow the large scale political machinations and social phenomena in themselves. Although I am deeply interested in them I don't analyse them directly, and comment on them from the perspective of the mainstream discourse. I pursue only general principles without regard to particulars; this is how my mind is structured and I care little for particulars whilst the general principles are often quite clear to me. I do however draw on the mainstream discourse for examples and analogies since most people aren't interested in reading about such things as a hermit and a cow or about obscure esoteric philosophy, but they are interested in the crises around them that impinge directly upon them, so I try and express the general concepts in terms of analogies that others may find meaningful. I generally find that engaging in politics and most mainstream discourses directly only confuses my mind since those discourses have been such brutal battlefields for so long that often there is little truth remaining to be found amidst the craters and corpses of opinions. There is mainly combative argumentative strategies and confusing euphemisms and other such coercive phenomena, since in such a battlefield people don't try to gently approach the truth, they try to win an argument by bludgeoning each other with facts and opinions.

I don't consume any media either, no mass media at all these days (not for about 4 years) and I'm extremely selective about books. I am a bit of a fanatic about cognitive hygiene. I find the mass media to be a potent and addictive psychedelic drug; if you don't believe me just try withdrawing from it, you'll feel the subtle cravings for months and your mind will clarify in deep and profound ways over following years. Things seem clear and normal when you're in it, but the journey back to a clear mind is so long and winding that in contrast you realise that things most definitely weren't clear back there even though they might have seemed to have been at the time. As a result of my abstenance from media I have no idea of what is going on in the mainstream outside my own personal realm, I receive no information via the formal structure whatsoever. And although I avoid it as much as possible, bits of gossip drift into my consciousness on rare occasions when I am among people, but beyond that I receive no information at all through mechanistic channels. My principle contact with the world of mainstream society is via the general feeling in the air and the energies emanating from people or through the transcendent or Akashic field, and it doesn't feel good, although things don't feel to be without hope either. The modern world feels to be in crisis and profoundly confused but there are enormous resources of intrinsic virtue lying dormant on all sides, these are being stirred into life by the growing sense of desperation, and herein lies the hope; there is still a will to live even if it is currently buried beneath delusion and apathy.

In general I don't even need this much contact with the world of mainstream society, except to synchronise my timing, since in my analyses I focus only on general principles and these have not changed for aeons. I used to find that the constant flux of details only mesmerised and confused my mind and it obscured the real underlying processes; it tends to induce a trance of normality that has little connection with reality. One becomes hardened and complacent in regards to things and ceases to see them for what they are; familiarity with the outer facts tricks us into thinking we understand things and we don't look deeply into them. I see the same thing happen with the cows on this property, the newborn calves are wide eyed with wonder but the older cows are complacent and familiar with things but they have no greater understanding than the calves as to what a train really is for example, they have just become familiar with its outer appearance and have ceased to be curious. I trust that through my isolation I am not too much out of step with the particulars of the times but I feel that there is a great deal of tension and distrust on all sides and that this can only be healed through coherent communication; more blind repression only worsens the problem.

These little stories presented here are an example of how my work has been conducted in a metaphorical lifeboat lost at sea. I have no means of propulsion and simply rely on the currents with which I drift and which send things my way, but things keep appearing at just the right time. These currents are not random, they are the metabolism of the cosmos and are orchestrated by the Akashic field. For example, I stumbled upon Laszlo's book about the Akashic field on the same weekend that I developed the cyclic computational model which was only a week after I developed the mathematics of finite discrete closed information systems and had thereby only just made definite contact with the fundamental constants of physics and thereby with the Akashic field or the quantum vacuum as it is known to physicists. Only when I needed the information was it delivered to me by the currents of the world. By tuning into the synchronistic flow of these currents one becomes a part of the cosmic metabolism, but by rushing to and fro under great propulsion one seizes control with one's ego and one follows the paths of one's preconceptions, and thereby loses the cosmic rhythm, and one only creates a wake of disturbance in the world.

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